she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
They have beer where we have blood.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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