Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Mom said you looked used
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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