I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
