True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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