Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
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You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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