The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
