at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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