the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
