It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
