Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
