you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
