So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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