I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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