And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
