I got her a Nickelback box set.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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