i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize