she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
She needs sedatives and a leash
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Two words: blizzard sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
