I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
