i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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