You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
