how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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