so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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