Sry I called you an 8
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
