just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
