It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
