This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
