Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I would fuck him just for his dog
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
there is glitter all over my balls
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