i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
