The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
