I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
