we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
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So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
you never un-have a 4some
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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