I heard we made out
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.