apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure