Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
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im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
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please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.