Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.