You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
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Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
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I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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