Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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