apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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