i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
