I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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