Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
