Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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