My nipple is on Facebook.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
