he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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