I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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