By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
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