if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
