Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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