The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
