What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize