I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm at about main and main street
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
