My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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