if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
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The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
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I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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