I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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