Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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