Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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