You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
