I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize