At least make sure they are 18
Why
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
