I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
