Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Your shirt... Was in my pants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
