I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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