Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
