It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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