Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I could fuck to npr.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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