She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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